


Next Time

by Aria_Lerendeair



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, BAMF Alec Lightwood, Happy Ending, Immortal Husbands, M/M, Mentions of Character Death - But they get reincarnated, Reincarnation Angst, canon adjacent, stubborn magnus bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:02:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26265442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: Warlocks are cursed with a human soulmate.  A soulmate reborn again, and again, until the warlock goes mad, or, until, the miracle happened.  Their soulmate remembers all of their past lives and loves them in spite of it.  If that ever happens - their soulmate was granted the chance of the greatest gift and curse.  Immortality together, or...Or.A life forever separate.  A chance to stop the reincarnation cycle.  To rest.  To be at peace.Magnus chooses option number three.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 29
Kudos: 489





	Next Time

**Author's Note:**

> Me, procrastinating my bang fic by writing Reincarnation angst with a happy ending that ends with immortal husbands? 
> 
> ....NEVER. 
> 
> ....except yeah.

Alexander died at the age of 97. 

He had lived a long, good life. 

He was kind, he was gentle, and Magnus loved him with everything that he had in him.

_ Again. _

Magnus pressed a soft kiss to the back of Alec's now-limp hand that was tightly gripped in his and stared at their hands as he slowly, carefully, let the glamour fall that he had had in place for the last four decades.

It rippled over his skin, his magic responding to his call as his age slipped away, revealing smooth, tanned skin. He pressed another kiss to the back of Alec's hand and carefully laid it over his chest.

"Rest well, my darling," he breathed, carefully resting Alec's hand over his chest.

Already, Magnus could hear the magic roaring into the room, reaching out for Alec, circling around him. The body on the bed was gone in a matter of minutes and Magnus forced himself to stand up, pressing a hand to his mouth. He breathed out slowly and stepped out of the bedroom door.

A thousand reminders of Alexander's presence hit him all at once - the books on the bookshelf, the jacket, and favored blanket on the back of the couch. The shoes tucked carefully under the coffee table, the tea that he preferred on the kitchen counter.

With a wave of his hand and a violent blast of magic, it was all gone. Magnus erased it in a second, sending it into a storage room with the rest. One day, he would drink too much, and be too alone, and he would go and visit it and label it. Just like he had all the others.

Ninety-seven. They'd had forty, almost fifty years together this time.

Magnus breathed out hard, another sob escaping him as he fumbled for his phone, calling Catarina before he even realized who his fingers were dialing. When his best friend stumbled through a portal, not saying a word before she wrapped him in her arms, Magnus let his tears start.

~!~

Magnus didn't know how many hours had passed when Catarina bundled him carefully on the couch and made him tea. She didn't comment on the state of the loft. She never did, anymore. Magnus stared at the television, refusing to waver, even as he barely managed to hold his tears back.

It was only when he'd managed the first sip of scalding tea that he managed to say the words he had been saying for more centuries than he wanted to admit to. "Next time will be the right one," he whispered. "Next time, Catarina."

Catarina said nothing.

Magnus was grateful for the silence, for her letting him believe the lie, no matter how forced it was these days. It wasn't a lie, in the truest sense, but it may as well have been.

~!~

Magnus could remember the very first time he had read about them.

_ Soulmates. _

How they worked. What he would learn to expect. How hard it would be, especially as a warlock, but no less unfulfilling.

Fate was cruel and kind, all at once. A saving grace, and yet the most effective torturer in existence.

You had one soulmate. Only ever one.

And you found them. You found them again, and again, and again. They were never anything more than human, but they were found.

Magnus breathed out hard, sitting in the stillness of his loft, now lacking a presence it had had for decades. He tried not to feel lonely.

Warlocks were cursed with a human soulmate. A soulmate reborn again, and again, until the warlock went mad, or, until, the miracle at the end happened. Their soulmate remembered all of their past lives and loved them in spite of it. If that ever happened - they were granted the chance of the greatest gift and curse. Immortality together, or...

Magnus closed his eyes and breathed out slowly.

_ Or. _

A life forever separate. A chance to stop the reincarnation cycle. To rest. To be at peace.

It was rare for a human to pick the life apart - to choose to make the choice to live on their own, knowing what they stood to lose, but it did happen.

Magnus, of course, had decided to try for the third, impossible option. He would wait Alexander out - wait until he was born as a fellow immortal. Then he would never need to reveal his past, everything he was, and how broken he had been.

He knew exactly how many versions of Alexander he had fallen in love with.

He tried not to count anymore. (He failed, every time.)

It was torture of the worst kind.

Sometimes they got nothing more than a few days together before what they had was ripped apart.

In a rare few times, it had been mere hours, almost always with Alexander ripped from his arms, screaming, desperate not to leave, but forced to do so.

The rarest times though had been these. Living a life with Alexander. Growing old with him. Laughing, living, and falling more in love with his soulmate every single day they spent together.

But after centuries of waiting, of allowing the briefest snatches of happiness to carry him through, Magnus was _tired._

He was tired in a way that felt soul-deep. Alexander's reincarnations weighed on him, and he knew, he _knew_ that his stubbornness on this issue horrified other warlocks. That he would put himself, put his _soulmate_ through this kind of torturous repeat.

It was for a good reason.

That was what Magnus reminded himself, every time he had to recover from the loss of Alexander in his life, however short or long it had been. Alexander would never, ever choose to stay if he saw Magnus completely. If he saw Magnus as he truly was, as he had always been.

For all that he had spent centuries fighting to erase the legacy his father had left him, Magnus knew the blood on his hand could never be washed away. Would never be washed away.

The thought of losing Alexander as a result... of never seeing that bright smile, that laugh with the crinkles at the corner of his eyes, the arms that held onto him so tightly, as though he were afraid to let go...

That was a truth he could not face or stomach.

And he never would, if he had his say in the matter.

He just had to wait.

If he waited, long enough, Alec would be reborn as something other than human. He _would._

He _had_ to be.

~!~

Magnus never knew when to expect Alexander to stumble into his life. The ways they had met were varied and stories that he kept to himself, quiet and secret. Across a battlefield, side by side on a battlefield, in a park, at a vet's office, at a gentleman's club, at a strip club, across the street while one of them shopped, their meetings were endless.

But they were always the same.

Drawn to each other, impossible to stay apart.

Magnus was sipping his coffee, closing his eyes as he leaned back to enjoy the feel of the sunlight on his face. He breathed out slowly. It had been weeks now, and the sting of Alexander's loss was hurting less and less.

And if he knew fate, it was only a matter of time before Alexander stumbled into his life all over again.

At first, early on, it had been years between his chances. He hadn't minded, then. It wasn't a frequent reminder of what he was attempting to do with fate.

But as time had worn on, the windows had become shorter and shorter.

Two weeks was a new record, even for fate, as Magnus opened his eyes when a shadow fell over him and saw a scowl as familiar to him as his own. He smiled despite himself.

"Are you planning to order anything? Or are you just going to sit there, admiring the sunshine?" Alec asked, staring at the man taking up table six, an empty coffee cup in front of him, the same way it had been for more than an hour, according to Clary and Jace. Neither of them had had the heart to throw him out, but Alec wouldn't hesitate.

"It's worth admiring, isn't it?" Magnus asked, glancing at him.

Alec raised a challenging eyebrow. "If you're paying for the seat, yes."

A bark of laughter escaped him and Magnus leaned back in his chair again. Sometimes he missed these early days when they met. The constant challenge, the urge to push, and fight that inevitably pulled them closer. "Very well. What would you recommend?"

"Anything you're hungry for. Do you need me to get a menu?"

Magnus shook his head. "No, no. I'll have a reuben. Rye bread. Apple slices as my side. I would like..." he turned his attention to the street and frowned at the sound of a commotion. He took a deep breath and smiled at Alec again. "I would like a drink, as well, please. Tell Clary she can make whatever she likes for me."

Alec tapped the pad impatiently. "Sure," he drawled. "All right. It'll be out shortly."

Magnus nodded, the sound of the commotion getting louder. He stood up and felt Alec's eyes on him. "Get inside," he ordered quietly, stepping away from the table and towards the street. There was a shout and Magnus barely managed to keep his magic under control as a roar echoed down the street.

The screams started then. Magnus turned to Alexander, his eyes frantic. "Alec, Alec, get inside, get-"

The demon's claws sank into his chest, making him gasp in pain as it threw him to the ground, and Magnus barely managed to heal himself in a flash of his magic before he scrambled upright, just in time to see the demon charge through the shop, Alec caught under the hooves of it.

All the air left Magnus' chest and he stared at Alexander, even as his body started to glow gold. He refocused on the demon when there was another cry of pain, and charged into the shop, his magic dark red as he went to go destroy it.

"Next time," he whispered to himself. "Next time."

~!~

Magnus ignored the summons from the New York Institute.

He'd been ignoring them for days, now.

He could guess what they wanted, what they needed, but he was still mourning the loss of the not-start he and Alexander had had.

He hadn't even gotten a smile this time, and his soul ached at the knowledge of what had been lost.

The sound of a portal had his eyes lifting, but he looked away from Catarina when she stepped through and saw him, and the pad with Alexander's handwriting and his scribbled order on it in his hand.

"Magnus," Catarina breathed, clenching her eyes shut for a brief second. "Again? Already?"

Magnus gave her a jerky nod, sending the pad away to be stored with the rest. It would be one of the smallest boxes, but no less treasured for what it was. He breathed out slowly and lifted his eyes to her. "Next time?" he whispered.

Catarina swallowed and sat down on the couch next to him. "I don't know if you can do any more next times, Magnus. This is killing you."

Magnus laughed and let his head fall back against the couch. He could feel the truth of her words in the deepest parts of his magic. It was fraying at the center, and whether that was because of the weight he had put his soulmate through, or for another reason, he didn't want to look too closely at it. "I won't lose him."

"Magnus," Catarina growled. "You could have him forever!"

Magnus shook his head. "He would never stay," he breathed. "Why would he?"

Catarina's eyes turned sad. "You refuse to give him that chance, Magnus. You have to. For both your sakes. You've kept yourselves trapped like this for I don't even know how long."

"Five hundred and," Magnus breathed, the number crushing him under the length of time. "forty-seven years, seven months, eighteen days, and about six hours."

**"Magnus."**

Magnus laughed again, well-aware how it sounded, how broken he truly was. He knew of no other warlock that had avoided the decision so long. He breathed out slowly, his chest rising and falling, again. "I can't stop now, Cat. I _can't."_

"Even if it ends up costing you Alec?" Catarina asked. "What happens if one day he simply doesn't appear, Magnus? What if you break the soulmate bond in a whole new way?"

Magnus didn't look at her. He could already feel it happening. The fraying, the weight on the bond, he could feel it with every untimely death. Again and again. "Next time will be different," he repeated the mantra that had carried him through the last three centuries.

Catarina closed her eyes and summoned them both drinks, sipping hers slowly. "Next time, will, hopefully, be different."

Magnus gave her a quick smile, only to be interrupted by knocking at his door. "Looks like I have some impatient shadowhunter business to attend to, Catarina. I'll see you later."

"Magnus," Catarina said, reaching out for him. "Please, you have to, you have to find a way to-"

Magnus shook his head, turning towards his door. "I'll see you soon, Catarina." He opened the front door to his loft and leaned against the doorframe, the angry blonde in front of him less than impressive. He raised an eyebrow and let his eyes trail over the rest of the shadowhunters. The sight of Alexander, standing in the back, hazel eyes locked on him, made him freeze.

"Are you in the habit of ignoring direct summons from the Institute, High Warlock Bane?"

Magnus shook himself, caught off-kilter, and turned his attention back to the blonde. He cleared his throat. "I was busy," he managed. "What is so important that it needs my help?"

"We need your help tracking down a fugitive."

Magnus' eyes flew to Alexander and he had to breathe in tightly. He nodded and pushed the door open, turning his back on the shadowhunters. "Best come in and tell me who I'm tracking." The sound of boots following him was barely enough to distract him as he focused on making himself a drink. He spun around and looked at the three shadowhunters, his eyes going to the deflect rune on Alexander's neck.

"There's a rogue Seelie knight..."

Magnus barely heard the words, his mind racing as he realized that Alexander was not a human any longer. He was a _Nephilim._

It had  _ worked. _

His drink fell from his hands, hitting the wooden floor, shattering on impact.

Alexander wasn't human any longer.

Magnus stared in shock at Alexander, even though all three shadowhunters had jumped at the sound of broken glass. He couldn't look away, his heart pounding too fast, and too eagerly in his chest.

He was vaguely aware of the blonde calling his name, impatient and angry, but he took a step towards Alexander, his heart soaring as he stepped directly onto the broken glass, hissing in pain as he sliced his foot open. "Shit," he cursed, waving away the glass with his hand.

All too suddenly, Alec was up in his face and those large hands that he knew so well were wrapped around his forearms, steadying him. Magnus stared up at Alec, his mouth dry.

"Shit, he's bleeding. Okay, Jace, take Clary back to the Institute, I'll talk to Magnus about what we need," Alec said, taking Magnus' weight as he lifted his foot up.

"You know I can-" A quick, intent look from Alexander had him snapping his mouth shut and Magnus watched the other two shadowhunters leave with minor grumbling before they were alone. His breath caught, even as Alexander knelt in front of him, his hands careful as they made sure there was no more glass in his foot.

"Okay, looks like you're clear to heal yourself," Alec said, watching as blue magic immediately surrounded the cut, healing it and making it disappear. He stood up and brushed off the knees of his jeans.

Magnus nodded and couldn't look away from Alec, the dark runes that were decorating his neck and forearms. He swallowed hard and continued to stare, drinking in the sight of him. What sort of game was fate playing now? What would he have to endure now that Alexander was a Nephilim?

"You know, you're a hard man to track down, Magnus Bane," Alec said, crossing his arms over his chest. "We've been trying to call you to the Institute for days, now."

"I, I was in mourning," Magnus managed to choke out. It was a feeble excuse, at best, even though it was true. He thought of the last human Alexander he'd seen, taken before they'd even managed a proper conversation. And now here he was, all over again. "Apologies for not making that information public."

Alec nodded. "Understandable." He quirked an eyebrow. "Want to tell me why you looked like you saw a ghost when you saw me?"

Magnus stared at him and felt dread settle deeper into his stomach. "Not particularly," he croaked out. If this Alexander was a Nephilim, then he _knew._ He knew about warlock soulmates and the reincarnation they were cursed with, but then-

"Really? So it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm your reincarnated soulmate?" Alec challenged, staring Magnus down.

All of the air in his chest was punched out of him at the question and Magnus closed his eyes, his heart pounding too loudly in his ears. "So you know," he managed, his voice soft.

Alec crossed his arms over his chest, giving a quick nod. "Wasn't hard to find the second I looked up your Clave file. The pictures had been altered, of course, to prevent me from finding out, but it wasn't hard to track down other evidence."

Magnus swallowed, his magic threatening to riot under his skin. He could feel the bond now, fraying even further and he wanted to sob, ready to shake apart under whatever this was. Was Alexander going to make his choice now? Is that what he'd pushed them to? Forced them to do?

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Alec blinked and uncrossed his arms, his face shifting into confusion. "You're...what? Why are you sorry?"

Magnus lifted his eyes to Alec and then away. "It's my fault you're..." he gave a vague wave in Alexander's direction. "A Nephilim, now. You shouldn't be. I pushed, and I shouldn't have and now-"

"Magnus," Alec interrupted, stepping in close. "Hold on, I think we're having two very different conversations here."

Magnus blinked again and stared at Alec, swallowing hard. "I, what...?"

Alec blew out a hard breath before he lifted his eyes to stare at Magnus. "I'm your reincarnated soulmate, right?"

"Yes," Magnus breathed. "I'd, I'd know you anywhere," he added, even though the admission felt like it something ripped from deep inside him.

"Right," Alec said with another nod. "Then I want to know how the hell I'm a Nephilim."

Magnus wanted to laugh and cry all at once, even though he knew that Alec deserved an answer. "I decided to... fight fate, I suppose," he managed. "I'd just lost you after the first time we spent our whole lives together. Thirty years." He swallowed. "I decided, even after the normal dozen or so reincarnations, to not try to push you to remember them all so you could make your choice."

Alec's eyes widened. "Magnus... how many times have you lost me?"

Magnus opened his mouth to answer before he snapped it shut. "I wasn't expecting that question," he admitted, breathing out slowly. "Thought you'd ask how many times you've been brought back."

"It's the same answer," Alec said with a shrug, reaching out to touch Magnus' arm briefly, his fingers trailing along the fine fabric of his jacket. "But you're the one who has lost me every time, and since I don't remember any of them, your losses are the ones that matter."

A sob escaped him before he could stop it and Magnus nearly sagged in relief when he was tugged into Alexander's arms, into that hug he knew so well and missed with everything in him. He burrowed close, wrapping his arms around Alexander's waist, breathing in the familiar scent of him, the bond between them aching and pulsing with pain.

"One hundred and twenty-seven times in almost five centuries," Magnus whispered.

Alec sucked in a hard breath, tightening his arms around Magnus. "One hundred and..." He closed his eyes, trying to imagine losing Magnus that many times and held him as tight as he dared. "Magnus, why did you do that to yourself?"

Wrapped up in Alec's arms once again was heaven and hell all at once and Magnus wasn't about to move, even to give Alexander the explanation that he so rightly deserved. "I couldn't lose you," he whispered. "I know, I know the choice you'd make, Alexander, and I couldn't..."

Alec rubbed his hand up and down Magnus' back slowly, his mind racing as he tried to figure out what the hell he was going to do. What the hell  _ they _ were going to do. "Magnus, how do you know?"

A few embarrassing tears escaped his eyes and Magnus cleared his throat, trying to focus enough to answer that question. "I..." he closed his eyes and sighed. Everything was different now, where was the harm in admitting the truth. "There was a time in my life, Alexander, long before I met you, that where I was every inch my father's son. I was cruel and evil in every way a person can be."

Alec understood in an instant. "And you didn't think I'd love you in spite of that."

"I knew you wouldn't," Magnus corrected, his voice soft. "So, I decided, rather than lose you forever and have that break me in a way that I couldn't come back from..."

"You'd torture yourself with my reincarnation," Alec said. He blew out a hard breath and kept Magnus wrapped tightly in his arms. "Magnus, that's ridiculous, of course I would have stayed with you."

Magnus shook his head with a sigh. "You don't know, you don't understand, Alexander-"

"Okay," Alec said, his eyes narrowing. "Fine. Try me."

Magnus pulled back and stared up at the Nephilim, at the stubborn look on his face and was reminded of a hundred, a million times that he had seen that exact same expression leveled in his direction. "Alexander, I don't-"

"We've already bucked fate. Broken it, and we're making our own path. So instead of letting the magic tell me," Alec took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to Magnus' forehead. "You tell me."

Magnus swallowed and he leaned in to press his forehead against Alec's neck. "I'm not strong enough to lose you, Alexander. I never have been."

Alec hummed. "I think this might be our last chance, Magnus. I can feel that there's something wrong with the bond. We need to get this right."

Magnus wanted to protest, to correct Alexander, but he was right. The bond had been stretched to extremes that it never should be. He could feel that, between both of them. "You're right," he agreed, even though it hurt to admit it. He closed his eyes, savoring Alec's arms around him.

"Start small," Alec suggested, keeping Magnus wrapped up in his arms. "Come on. Let's get comfortable and you can start wherever you want to start. I'll listen."

Magnus nodded and let Alec lead him to the couch. Once they were settled against each other, warm cups of coffee in hand, and Alec having secured the rest of the night off through his siblings, Magnus started to talk. "I'm the son of a Greater Demon. The most powerful prince of hell," he admitted, staring down at the coffee cup in his hands.

Alec's knee pressed a little harder, a little more securely against his and Magnus took a deep breath, before continuing. "And I was his son in every way that he wanted, in power, in battle, you name it."

Once Magnus had let the words start flowing, it was impossible to stop them again. They spilled from him like a waterfall and Magnus wanted to sob because Alec did nothing more than listen with the patience of a man who had nothing but time. And even though it was impossible to give all the details from the centuries that he had lived, when the words finally ran dry thanks to the hoarseness of his throat, Alec was still there, somehow, next to him. A constant presence that had never wavered.

"Thank you for telling me," Alec said, reaching out to take Magnus' hand, giving it a small squeeze. "I can understand why you didn't want to."

Magnus nodded, swallowing hard. "It isn't about not trusting you. You, you know that, right?"

"I do," Alec promised. "I do understand that." He lifted Magnus' hand and kissed the back of it, his heart pounding as Magnus' surprised eyes met his. "I've been drawn to you since the first time I heard about you. I've read your file a hundred times over, and searched for all of the information I can find on you."

Magnus wanted to try to maintain a veneer of dignity, but Alexander's quiet words and soft certainty were enough to make tears gather in his eyes again. "Why?"

Alec blew out a hard breath and looked up at the sky. "Because I think there's something I have to give you. I don't know what it is. But I get the feeling that there is something I have never been able to quite give you that I can, now, like this."

Magnus blinked and frowned at Alec. "Alexander, we've been in love dozens of times, and you've always-"

"No, no, that's not what I mean," Alec said, frowning. "I think there's something that they weren't able to give you, not because they didn't want to, but because they didn't know _how."_

Magnus stared at Alec and looked down at the hand holding his oh-so-carefully. He took a deep breath and blew it out. "I can't imagine what that would be, Alexander."

Alec hummed, thinking through it. “From what I understand of warlock soulmates, it’s common to try to trigger your soulmate’s memories after a dozen or so times you’ve met them, right?”

“Yes,” Magnus said, glad that Alec didn’t let go of his hand. “I’ve heard of as many as twenty - usually due to war, or other poor circumstances. But after a certain amount the risk…” he trailed off.

“The risk for the soulmate, for remembering so many of their past selves, the weight is too much. It can drive them mad,” Alec continued, looking over at him.

Magnus cleared his throat. “I accepted that risk. I, I have a room. A place where, if we wanted to, we could trigger your memories.” He glanced at Alec. “For obvious reasons, I think that is something we shouldn’t do under any circumstances."

Alec carefully rubbed his thumb over the back of Magnus’ hand. “Then what do you think we should do?”

“I don’t know,” Magnus said, closing his eyes and hanging his head. “I’ve put us both through unspeakable levels of pain, Alexander. The bond is close to snapping, we can both feel it and…” He swallowed, slow, and pointed. “The risk of helping you remember is too high because of the choice I made for both of us.”

Alec was silent and Magnus felt the weight of it in the room.

“Maybe, maybe we just let… things take their course,” Magnus whispered, barely managing to get the words out.

“You’re talking about letting the bond break,” Alec said, his voice flat.

Magnus nodded, unable to say it. “I am,” he admitted. “You’d, you’d be free. Live your life however you want, love whoever you want and-"

“And what about you?” Alec challenged. “I’ve been reincarnated more than a hundred times and you’re going to let me go now? After  _ everything?” _

Magnus flinched, pulling his hand away from Alexander’s, standing up and walking towards his drink cart, preparing himself a martini in steady and familiar motions. The second he finished, he swallowed it in quick gulps and put the glass down. “I think it’s time for you to go, Alexander. Let me know what you require tracked and I’ll be there to assist.”

He listened to Alec stand up and stride towards the door. Magnus kept his hands clenched on the edge of the bar cart, breathing hard. Was this the last time that he would see Alexander? Would he never see that wide smile that crinkled his eyes at the corners again? Would he never kiss Alec again, have those arms wrapped around him in a tight hug again? A tear slipped down his cheeks, followed by another, then another.

“Fuck this.”

The hissed words were a lance to his heart and Magnus waited to hear the slam of the door as Alexander walked out of his life forever. He sucked in a hard breath, his chest heaving as the tears started to come faster. The last thing he expected was Alec’s hands on his cheeks, wiping away the tears with his thumbs, their foreheads pressed together as Alec pulled him away from the bar cart.

“You have fought, for centuries, Magnus, for the both of us,” Alec told him, his voice soft. “You’ve endured pain that no one should have to because you wanted a happily ever after. It’s my turn to fight for us, for what you want.”

_“Alexander,”_ Magnus managed, trying to clear his throat so he could focus, he could tell Alec what a horrible idea that was.

Alec hummed and smiled, staying pressed in close to Magnus. “I’ve heard you say that name in my dreams hundreds of times before we met today, Magnus. No one says my name like you do.”

Magnus was too weak to try to push Alexander away again as he should. “So what do we do now?”

“What do you say to me taking you out for a drink?” Alec asked, raising an eyebrow at Magnus. “Seems like the best place to start.”

Magnus blew out a hard breath and forced himself to nod. He gave Alec a small smile. “Maybe dinner to go along with that drink?” Alec lit up and Magnus felt his heart do a familiar flip in his chest. Fuck, Alec was so damn  _ beautiful. _

“Sounds great,” Alec said, wiping away the last of Magnus’ tears before reaching down to take his hand, giving it a squeeze. “Know any good places?”

“Actually,” Magnus started. “There’s this wonderful Ethiopian place that I’ve been meaning to try.”

Alec nodded. “Lead the way,” he urged.

Magnus shifted his hand just enough and gave Alec’s hand a brief squeeze, cleaning up his face with magic before tugging him towards the door. The bond pulsed between them, hopeful, the ache gone for now.

~!~ 

It took them a few months to settle into whatever new relationship they were going to build. Like two puzzle pieces that weren't quite sure they fit together.

Until, all of a sudden, they _did._

Magnus couldn't remember a time when being with Alec, with any incarnation of Alec had both been this easy and this fulfilling. The bond sang between them, no matter how far apart they were, and he could always feel Alec reaching out for him, wanting, needing more. It was breath-taking in a way that he imagined warlocks with permanent soulmates felt and he was quickly becoming addicted to it.

He knew that Catarina was worried, but all it took was two meetings with Alec for him to win her over and Magnus couldn't help grinning proudly as Alec asked for her advice in some of the decisions and things that he was working on with the Downworld Council.

Before he had realized it, six months had flown by, and he and Alec were inseparable. Telling Alec about the horrible things in his past was getting easier, and Alec never stopped holding onto him, never tried to leave, and Magnus could already feel himself making the absolutely horrible mistake of believing that maybe they had bucked fate. Maybe they had found something else, something different, beyond the usual soulmates warlocks had. Maybe they had found something _more._

When his phone rang with Alexander's tone, Magnus swiped it open eagerly, lifting it to his ear with a grin. "Alexander! How are you darling? I wasn't expecting to hear from you for a few hours yet!" 

Alec coughed and took a slow, deep breath, carefully keeping any of the pain and discomfort from sliding down the bond between them. "I got out of work early, and I was hoping you would maybe want to go on a date? I have somewhere I want to take you."

Magnus lit up, grinning. "That sounds wonderful, Alexander. But I assure you, if you would rather stay home, we can do that as well. You sound tired."

"I am a bit," Alec admitted, breathing out slowly. "But I want to see you more."

Magnus could feel his cheeks heating at the simple, truthful admission and he wanted nothing more than to wrap Alexander in his arms and never let him go. "Well, then, darling, I shall be wherever you demand, with bells on."

"I'll be home in about an hour," Alec said, pushing his fingers through his hair. "I'll just need to shower and change quick."

Magnus leaned back against a brick column, closing his eyes as his heart turned over, _hard,_ in his chest at Alec calling the loft home. It was something that never got old, no matter how many times Alec did it, and he loved it each and every single time. "All right, sweetheart. That sounds wonderful. Do you want a portal?"

"Nah," Alec said, stretching. "Been a frustrating day and I could use the run."

Magnus paused, focusing on the phone again. "You sure you're all right?"

Alec grinned. "I'm fine, Magnus, I promise. Just a day full of more assholes than I'd prefer, and trouble from Jace."

Magnus relaxed and smiled into the phone. "Have a good run then. You know I like you hot and sweaty."

Alec barked out a laugh. "Save that for after dinner, Magnus," he teased.

Magnus grinned and blew Alec a kiss before disconnecting the call.

True to his word, Alexander was home almost an hour later, and Magnus zeroed in on the weight that seemed to be settled on his shoulders and how his eyes were cloudy with exhaustion. The bond between them sang with relief and love and Magnus relaxed at the feel of it. Neither of them kept it obscured when they were together like this.

"Alexander?" Magnus asked, stepping closer. "How was your run?"

Alec stepped in close and wrapped an arm around Magnus' waist, kissing him softly, slowly, leaning into it in relief. "It was good. But I'm glad to be home. I've missed you."

Magnus hummed happily and stepped back. "I missed you too, Alexander. Now, go shower and you can take me wherever you would like for dinner."

Alec stole another kiss before heading to the shower, winking at Magnus. "No interrupting me. I do have plans for you."

"Promises, promises," Magnus called. "You are only saved by the fact that I just finished my hair and I look fabulous."

"You always look fabulous," Alec shot back, as he turned the water on, stepping under the spray with a relieved groan. He pressed a hand to his chest and breathed out slowly. The pain was starting to recede at last, and after tonight, it would be over and done with, thankfully.

The comforting feel of Magnus and the openness of the bond between them was enough to have him smiling again and Alec hurried to get dressed in one of the outfits he knew Magnus enjoyed seeing him in. The black button-up with the faint pattern in black and the black slacks. He looked at his hair and debated attempting something before he shrugged and scrubbed it dry with a towel.

Magnus turned around and let out a wolf whistle as Alec stepped out of the bedroom. "My, my, Alexander. Don't you look like a cool drink of water on a hot day." He hooked his fingers into Alec's belt, pulling him in closer. "What did I do to earn this particular view, hm?"

"Just you being you," Alec teased, stealing a soft kiss from Magnus. "And I love you for it. Now come on. I told you I have plans for you and I meant it. So let me bring you where we're going."

"All right. Portal is yours to command, darling," Magnus said, summoning one with a gesture before bowing for Alec to go through first. When Alec took his hand and squeezed it, Magnus couldn't help the smitten smile he knew was on his face as they walked through together.

He blinked in surprise when they stepped out of the portal and outside a warehouse. It took him a second to recognize where they were, but once he did, his whole body tensed. "Alexander-"

Alec pressed a finger to his lips. "You're going to let me explain first."

Magnus swallowed hard and watched as Alec approached a warehouse door that belonged to him, his whole body trembling as he thought about what was behind that door. "H-how did you...?"

"I'll explain in a second," Alec promised, lifting the door open. He flipped the light on and held out his hand for Magnus, squeezing his hand tight before he closed it behind them. He looked around at all of the containers that had been shifted to one half of the room and turned back to Magnus.

"Catarina helped me, after I explained that I knew what I had to do," Alec said, drawing Magnus in closer to him. "She was very willing to help, thankfully."

"Alec," Magnus said, swallowing hard. "What, what did she help you do?"

Alec smiled at Magnus and lifted his hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it. "I figured it out. I told you, back when we first met, that I got the feeling there was something I needed to give you, right?"

"I, yes?" Magnus said, nodding as he looked around again. "But Alec, we both know that this, this could _kill_ you, and it's not worth it-"

"Magnus," Alec interrupted, smiling at him, leaning in to kiss his forehead. "I have already gone ahead and done it."

Magnus froze, his eyes wide, as Alec pulled back and met his eyes, his real eyes, his glamour down and gone in his shock. "You..."

"You told me, that first day. That you couldn't make that choice, to subject me to the memories. It took me a while to figure it out, but then I realized why I was born a Nephilim," Alec said, smiling. "A human couldn't bear the weight of all these memories, Magnus. But a runed Shadowhunter?"

Magnus' eyes started to water and he sucked in a deep, frantic breath, holding onto Alec as tight as he dared. "You, you..."

"A runed Shadowhunter could, Magnus," Alec whispered, reaching out to wipe away his tears as they started to fall. "It took time. I certainly couldn't do it all at once. Catarina and I were careful. We did it piece by piece. It's taken me up until now to do all of them, except one."

Magnus' eyes drifted to the last box, one of the smallest that contained the notepad where his order had been written on. He clenched his eyes shut and turned to look up at Alec. **"Alexander."**

"I'm here to stay with you, Magnus," Alec whispered, pressing their foreheads together. "This is what I had to give you. I had to give you _my_ choice. You couldn't make the choice for me, you told me, because of the decision you’d made for both of us. But I could make the choice to give this to _you."_

Magnus sucked in a hard breath, tears starting to fall again. He reached out and tightened his fingers in Alec's shirt, pulling him in closer.

"So if you want me to, Magnus," Alec breathed, wrapping both of his arms around his boyfriend, holding onto him tight, the bond between them dripping with longing. "I'll take in the last set of memories tonight. And we'll, well. We'll have what you've waited so long for."

A sob escaped Magnus and he pressed his face against Alec's chest, holding onto him as desperately as he could, trying to breathe through the shock, awe, and overwhelming love he had for Alexander.

Once the tears had subsided a little, even though Alec had held him through it all, just like he always did. "You know, I have no idea how I'm going to top this as a date," he muttered.

Alec laughed and kissed the top of Magnus' head. "I'm sure you'll figure something out," he whispered. "You're rather magical like that."

Magnus snorted. "Alexander, that line was _terrible."_

"I'm still learning," Alec shot back, grinning at him. "Besides. You loved it, you secret softy."

"Maybe a little," Magnus breathed, stepping back from Alec to clear up his makeup with a quick wave of his fingers, looking around the warehouse. "I can't believe you..."

Alec shrugged a little and smiled. "It got harder, the more we went through. The last batch was the toughest, but only because there were a lot _more_ than some of the others because you'd spend longer with them."

Magnus nodded, breathing hard, forcing his magic and heart to calm. "I, and you're sure? That, that you want everything? With me?"

"I'm sure," Alec said. "I'm sure, Magnus. There's never been a doubt in my mind, since the day I met you, that I would keep you for as long as you allowed me to."

Magnus reached out and wrapped his hands around Alec's face, pulling him in for a kiss. "You are incredible, Alexander. And I love you. So much."

"I love you too," Alec whispered, leaning into Magnus' hands. "Now. Last box?"

Magnus swallowed and turned to the final box on the side of the warehouse, kneeling next to it. "I'm sure you've guessed that this was a short one. We had barely exchanged a few words before something happened."

Alec carefully took the box from Magnus when he was offered it and traced his fingers along the cover of it. He took a deep breath and lifted his eyes to Magnus and smiled faintly. "You know the best part about all of this?"

Magnus raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"I've gotten to fall in love with you again and again and again," Alec whispered. He looked down at the box. "Every single one of my previous lives loved you, even if it was only pieces of you because they didn't know you better. One of them always loved the way your rings caught the candlelight and glittered. Or another loved your laugh. They'd only heard it a few times, but it made their heart soar."

Magnus froze and stared at Alec, barely able to breathe.

"Sometimes it was silly little things. Or it was things that they pretended to hate, but really loved," he added, starting to laugh. "There's one box, and it's a pair of scissors?" Alec said, meeting Magnus' eyes. "Do you know what he loved the most and also hated at the same time?"

A surprised snort escaped Magnus and he grinned at the reminder of Alexande as a tailor, crafting the finest clothes for him. He'd taken the gilded shears that Alec had always favored for his box. "What?"

"He hated how many layers you wore. Very inconvenient for stripping you when he wanted to," Alec said, grinning at Magnus.

This time, Magnus laughed outright, unable to keep from grinning. "I have no doubt that he did," he agreed. The sound of a box popping open had his attention snapping back to Alec, who had already picked up the small pad. He froze and waited, watching as Alec's eyes fluttered.

It was always different.

_**The Choice.** _

Magnus bit down on his lip hard enough to taste his own blood as Alec stayed frozen, his fingertips pressed to the notepad before it clattered to the floor out of his frozen fingers. Magnus shuffled closer, and he could feel the bond slowly sealing itself. He sucked in a frantic breath, clenching his eyes shut. He had to trust Alec, he had to, had to trust that Alec meant it, that Alec _wanted-_

All at once, bright blue magic wrapped around Alexander, and the bond was blown fully open and Magnus could feel the tie between the two of them solidifying. No longer a string, but now an unbreakable beam connecting the both of them.

Alec had made his choice.

Magnus swallowed, his mouth dry, his eyes on Alec's face as his Shadowhunter blinked, slowly, before looking at him. He could see the depth of what he had put them both through hiding in Alexander's eyes, but more than that, he could see the love of over a hundred lifetimes shining through.

"Come here," Alec gasped, reaching out to yank Magnus in and against him, his heart pounding as he kissed Magnus, hard and passionate, losing himself in the feel of the bond, a true bond, now, an immortality one, shining between them both.

Magnus laughed against Alec's lips when they finally had to break apart for air, breathing hard against him. "I love you," he whispered, holding onto Alec tighter than he should. "I love you, Alexander."

Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus, squeezing him close. "I love you too, Magnus," he whispered. "And now you're never going to get rid of me."

A hoarse chuckle escaped him and Magnus nodded against Alec's neck, breathing out slowly. "That sounds amazing," he admitted. Because it did. He had everything that he had started to think he would never have and it felt like _more_ than he had ever imagined.

“And when you’re ready, I'll take you out properly to celebrate, where Ragnor and Catarina are waiting for us,” Alec whispered, kissing Magnus on the cheek, nuzzling against his skin.

Magnus laughed, staying pressed up against Alexander. “I’m going to be mad at you for planning this with her behind my back tomorrow.”

“If you insist,” Alec said, chuckling. “I can think of much better ways to spend my day off tomorrow.”

Magnus pulled back and narrowed his eyes at Alec. “Day off tomorrow? You _did_ plan all of this out!”

Alec grinned at him and leaned in to give him a soft kiss. “I have it,” he pulled back and smirked, before kissing Magnus again. “On multiple,” Another kiss. “Very good authorities,” Another kiss, this one longer, and much more lingering. “That you happen to enjoy my planning.”

Magnus tugged Alec into another kiss, refusing to give a response to that.

Even if it was true.

And he now had forever to enjoy all the plans Alexander could come up with.

**Author's Note:**

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